Without you
by Sesy Allerdyce
Summary: A bit depressed slash - Pytro - please R


Everyone knows that love is hurts. Doesn't matter how old are you, doesn't matter who are you. If you fall in love with somebody that is great. You become blind and you feel such a love that you have never felt before. Everything is good. Really good. You feel your love is the most beautiful person and you think you will never stop loving him. I felt the same. I thought I finally had a boyfriend. You know, such a person who really knows me. And I know him too. Who loves me. But I know now that was just a dream. He doesn't love me anymore. I can't forget him. I have tried. But he is always in my mind and always in my dreams. I love my dreams. They are always so beautiful. In my dreams I feel again the love. I feel to beloved. But when I wake up... I start crying because I know this won't be real ever again. I'm lieing in my bed and I'm trying not to think of him. But it's too hard. I always see him when I look in the mirror. I always hear his voice in my head. I still love him... Maybe he thinks of me too now? No, I don't think so. He doesn't love me... And it's my fault.  
  
Everything was so perfect. We were the best pair in the whole world. I didn't care what the others said. I've just seen him. I still think he is the most beautiful guy that I've ever seen. His nice, perfect face and sexy body... I still feel his taste in my mouth... I still remember what he told me on that cold winter-day. That was all after christmas. The evening was so cold and beautiful but his skin was so warm and also beautiful. I just looked into his big, green eyes and I felt I started to melt inside. I felt that I'm totally in love with him. I didn't care that we are guys both of us. Who cares? I always thought the love of my life will be a girl though. But I fell in love with him, and didn't matter that he wasn't a girl. Well, we were in the Brotherhood's house and looked at the red and orange flames in the fireplace. I put my head on his chest and closed my eyes. I heard how his heart beated. It was the most beautiful music that I have ever heard. It didn't beat such fast like my heart and it was so calming. Then I hugged and kissed him gently on his lips and told him how much I love him. I couldn't say more. I just bited his neck and gave him a hickey.  
  
„Oh how cute" he grinned and touched the hickey on his neck. I grinned back. „Do you wanna more?" „Why not?" he laughed and before I could do anything he grabbed me and kissed me so hardly and wildly. Then he looked into my eyes. I've always been in love with eyes and John's eyes are really very beautiful. I touched his cheek and smiled softly. „I love you" I whispered. „And why?" he asked slowly. „What...?" I asked back „Why do you love me, Pietro?" He didn't smile then. I was so confused because I didn't understand what he wanted. But I knew he wasreally serious now, because he has never called me Pietro. He has always called me 'Pie' or 'Pie Pie' or things like these. The 'Pietro' name always reminded me of my father. And it hurt me so much because when I looked at him I didn't see my sweet boyfriend anymore. So I became serious too. „How do you mean that? I love you better than my life." „But why? I've been unloved in my whole life. I know all my mistakes and good features, but you, Pietro, don't. I can love myself because before you nobody loved me. So I wanna know why do you love me!?" he yelled. „John... I really don't know what do you wanna hear from me..." I said quietly and I felt a tear flowing down on my cheek. He sighed. „Why do you cry? I just wanna hear the truth. From you." „As I said I love you better than my life. But why isn't that enough for you?" I whispered with tears in my eyes. „I see... You don't understand what I want. And do you know why?" he said. I shaked my head but I couldn't say anything. „Because you don't know me." he continued „And that means you don't love me. Yes, you think you are in love with me, but you don't." „I know better what do I feel..." „No, you don't. You are in love with a dream; but this dream isn't me. Look... Do you know my fears and dreams?" „Yes!" I cried. „Really?" he smiled sardonically. „So what are my fears? And what are my dreams?" I felt myself like he slapped me. I realised I don't know him really. „And do you know anything about my past?" he continued. I cried like a baby and shock my head. We have never talked about his past. I have never asked anything... He sighed deeply then he took off his shirt and turned around. First I thought why had I never seen his back? Maybe because we always maked love in the dark. Maybe because this. There are a lot of white scars on his back. I couldn't say anything I just looked at him and cried. Then he finally turned back and looked into my eyes. „Can you see it? My childhood was hard but that doesn't matter now. All I've wanted to say... Dunno..." „What?" I screamed in terror. „Please... don't say that you wanna..." „...leave you? Yes, I do. I have to go." I grabbed him. „Why?! I love you! I really love you!" I cried. „You must stay!" He just shaked his head. „No... If I stay I gonna torture you. And I don't wanna this. So... I'm going to go." „Please, John... Don't do this... you can't do this with me!" I yelled and grabbed his wrist. „Let me go, Pietro. If you won't I gonna burn you." Then he left me. He left me and my heart is broke.  
  
I'm lieing in my bed and watching the ceiling now. And I'm crying. I'm missing him so much. I'm still not understand why he left me. I'm thinking of the next day and I'm feeling I have nothing to life for. I'm grabbing my knife and cutting my bloody wrist. Yeah, that is good... I'm just seeing my bleeding wrist and I'm laughing. Laughing with tear in my eyes. In the hell I will think of you, my love. Always. I'm sorry. I have no life without you. You left me before, now I leave you too. I'm sorry for everything. I won't forget you. I will love you forever. I love you... I love you so much... 


End file.
